Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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