I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
