Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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