note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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