you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
