Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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