Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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