dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
