who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
