is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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