tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
