It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
