it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
