Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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