Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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