my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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