State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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