i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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