..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
