and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
