So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
