Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He passed out mid-signature
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I will be naked everywhere
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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