Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
