So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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