Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
