Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
