watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
