she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
