'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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