Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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