Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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