it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
