i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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