how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
