whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to make a zoo with you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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