i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
