And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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