She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
