Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
