shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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