So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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