I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
