how can u be prego again
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
