Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
