ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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