Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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