friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
