I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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