I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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