I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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