her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
