The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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