so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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