It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
