DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
